Time for Rumor Control. Here are the facts:
1) I was not in India; rather, I spent the entire holiday in my cups watching and reviewing this beast. I was prepared to unleash a blanket, if respectful, shrug whilst considering Bergman's entire oeuvre (excepting the sublime SMILES OF A SUMMER NIGHT), but the five-hour cut of the film did the unthinkable; ergo, I now cherish two of the director's works. As someone who long ago appropriated Bergman's "the theater is my wife; the cinema is my mistress" philosophy, I shouldn't be surprised that his career summation, which weds both worlds, would, in restored full, hold me completely in thrall. It's nice to like things. That said, I also reviewed the director's cut of DAREDEVIL, which is so singularly unwatchable, it has wrested the title of Worst Comic Book Adaptation from Albert Pyun's CAPTAIN AMERICA. (Yes, I previously preferred Corman's THE FANTASTIC FOUR to it.) Here's hoping Mark Steven Johnson is never sprung from Hollywood jail.
2) I do not currently have a blurb running in print for CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS calling it, "The Best Christmas Film Ever Directed By A Jew!!!", because a) I haven't seen it, b) I don't do blurbs, and c) I sincerely doubt Barry Levinson's TOYS will be bested in my lifetime.
3) You will not be saved by the Holy Ghost.
4) You will not be saved by the God Plutonium.
5) In fact... YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED!
And with that, we're back in business. Cue Bob Seger's "Shakedown".